Don’t Make Grandma Cry This Thanksgiving
Here’s a crazy idea. How about we NOT screw up Thanksgiving this year? Let’s plan everything from when to buy the turkey, to how much booze we are gonna need to ensure that everyone is sufficiently buzzed to tolerate each other, to what to do with the leftovers the ungrateful, freeloading bit@hes that you call friends and family didn’t consume. It’s all right here for you kitchen bit@hes. I have planning guides, pre-planned menus, recipes for those of you who want to plan your own, and cooking lessons so the turkey doesn’t come out drier than grandma’s kisses. Don’t you fret because when I am done with you, all you will need to do is carve the turkey.
BE WARNED THOUGH: If you follow all of our tips, use our menus and recipes and use our guide as your road map, your Thanksgiving will be flawless. This may cause the ungrateful bit@hes to insist that you host every holiday going forward. So, we suggest screwing a few things up deliberately, to avoid this from happening.
Holiday Cooking Guide
Let’s start with our Holiday Planning Guide. Download this comprehensive checklist so everything is at your fingertips. Refer to it often and no one gets hurt except for the damn turkey. In this guide you will find everything you need to think about to pull off an amazing holiday.
Menu
Now it’s time to plan your menu. Use one of our Pre-Planned Menus or create your own using over 200 of our holiday recipes. All, right here on our Holiday Page.
Holiday Cooking Lessons
Make sure you review these three posts. Even if you are a pro, it’s always good to get a refresher on what you should and shouldn’t be doing in the kitchen
Don’t Fu@% It Up! The 3 Most Common Thanksgiving Mistakes
How to Make the Perfect Gravy Every Time.
Leftovers
Ok.. so you succeeded in making a meal that will feed your family for the next three Thanksgivings. Don’t worry, that just means that your meals from now until Christmas are halfway made! Make sure you check out our leftover recipe page to make amazing meals you will love to eat again out of the food that the ungrateful, frealoading bit@hes that you call family and friends didn’t consume. Find all of our Leftover Recipes here.
Our Newest Holiday Video
If you’re choosing to be a lazy bit@h this, year and want to simply open up a can of gravy, or as I like to call it “Horsesh!t in a Can” you might want to check out our NEW & HILARIOUS Video: Get Me In The Kitchen to Make Canned Gravy Taste Like Homemade
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE CHANNEL HERE
Hostess Gifts, Secret Santa & Stocking Stuffers
Don’t show up empty-handed to your holiday parties! Bring some unforgettable gifts to those hosts that will be useful, and hilarious! Make sure to check out all of our Gift Packs in the Bit@h Store, like:
Make sure to check out all of our Kitchen Bit@hes Gift Packs in the Bit@h Store! Create your own culinary gifts by mixing and matching our gourmet spice blends and cookbooks.
1) Little Bit@h Gift Pack: Choose any 4 products for one low price!
2) Big Bit@h Gift Pack: Choose any 6 products for one low price!
3) Megabit@h Gift Pack: Choose any 8 products for one low price!
4) Royal Bit@h Gift Pack: Choose any 10 products for one low price!
And remember, if you become a MegaBit@h, you get 10% off all of your orders. Always!!!
For more information on Carve The Turkey, Bit@hes and our other cookbooks and gourmet spice blends, visit the Bit@h Store.
Now you have everything you need. Go forth Kitchen Bit@hes! Go forth and make the best damn Thanksgiving the world has ever witnessed.