THE THREE LITTLE PIGGIES

Once upon a time there were three little piggies. Iggy lived in a straw house because he was lazy and needed to build it fast so he could look at porn on the internet and tug at his curly little tail. Liggy lived in a house of wood because while he was less lazy, he needed a lot of time to chase local whores and drink tasty meade.  And the third brother, Wiggy, built a fortress with towers and a draw bridge from the finest brick and steel in all the land. You see, Wiggy had lots of time on his hands because he was an ugly little gaming nerd with whom no one wanted to play, sexually or otherwise. One day the Big Bad Wolf came traipsing along and spotted Iggy in his house of straw. He huffed and he puffed and blew that crappy piece of sh!t structure down in about two seconds. Iggy quickly picked up his pants from around his ankles and hightailed it next door. But alas, the wolf also blew the fu@% out of that house as well. So Iggy, Liggy and Liggy’s drunken whores took shelter in Wiggy’s castle. The wolf laughed and laughed because he had already bought a missile on the black market from the Russians. He blew the damn castle to bits, collected the lifeless bodies of the three little piggies and put them in a crock pot with a generous sprinkling of the spices he got from his Royal Bit@h Gift Pack– a Christmas present from his momma that she purchased at GetMeInTheKitchen.com. He then proceeded to follow the Poke Me! Pork recipe from one of the cookbooks in the gift pack and feasted. He learned from all of the cooking lessons at GetMeInTheKitchen.com how to freeze his leftovers and braising liquids in 1lb portions, so that this one meal became 30 glorious dishes in the end! The morals of the story: 1) Pigs are tasty 2) We are all going to die in the end so you might as well sleep with whores and have some fun and 3) the Russians are a bunch of corrupt bit@hes.

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